Jezt kann ich ein bisschen Deutsch sprechen

I've been trying to learn German. I think I can now amend this to "I've been learning some German", because yesterday at work I understood fully 90% of a politely heated conversation about booking holiday vacation time via the company intranet ("No! If you don't come in on the BLUE days, it's an automatic vacation - otherwise the time is just subtracted from your total." "I think you are wrong." "You are the one who is wrong."...etc. Blows were narrowly avoided.)

The month of intensive language courses I took - four days a weeks, three hours a day, after work - was exhausting but undoubtedly useful. That was in September, and since then the world around me has been slowly turning into something I understand again. I've gone from doing mental happy dances at any intelligible overheard conversation (my first triumph: "Maximillian! How many times do I have to tell you?") to being annoyed when I can't understand. I still sound like an idiot three-year-old when I try to speak in German myself, but with more courses coming up in January, I hope to soon progress to the level of a five-year-old who's a just a little slow.

A fun upside of trying to learn German at work is the hilarious Austrian idioms, slang, and bizarre contractions my colleagues use. Of late, my favourite is the Upper Austrian phrase, "Auf, und der Kuh nach!" You say it when you want someone to get up and leave with you, and Juergen translated it as "Get up and follow the cow", but I prefer the word-for-word translation of "Up, and after the cow!". It calls to mind frantic Austrian farmers charging pell-mell through hilly pastures, shouting at neighbouring farmers to help them or, God forbid, there'll be no cheeses this Christmas!

I've also had my first sweet taste of being able to talk right in front of someone who has no clue what you're saying. This is snobby and mean, and I haven't done it very much at all, but one of my friends here is a fellow Canadian intern who's dating a Turkish-Austrian girl, and it is endlessly entertaining to discuss Turkish football with his girlfriend while he thinks we're talking about him.

Lastly and most obviously, there are some things that just sound hilarious in German. Of course, it's full of crazy-ass compound nouns. Why call it a fridge when you can call it a "cold cupboard"? Doesn't a shootout make more sense as an "eleven meter kicking"? One of the undisputed kings of these is the Donaudampfshiffahrtsgesellschaftskapitaenskajuetenschluesseloch, or the keyhole of the door to the cabin of the captain of a steamship company operating on the Danube. I'm still trying to find a way to work it into a sentence. A shorter but no more practical example is the sign displayed in the window of a nearby supermarket, proclaiming "Monday is Banana Day!". It would be funny anyway, but the fact that "Bananentag" is one word makes it gold.

In conclusion, languages are fun, and German is extra fun because you can essentially invent words whenever you want. Eat your heart out, Shakespeare.

Two things that only two select groups of people will appreciate

I met an Austrian guy the other night who not only lived in Victoria long enough to do a Master's thesis at UVic, but also visited Toronto long enough to meet with a...mutual acquaintance at U of T.

For the Victorians - he lived in Cook St. Village! And when I was describing the location of my parents' house to him, he said, "oh, Craigflower! Like the bus route?"

For the Engscis - we had the following conversation about his day at U of T:

Austrian guy: I was only there for an afternoon, but I'd previously arranged to meet with a professor there who's a bit of a bigshot in my field

Kari: Oh? What do you study?

Austrian guy: Computer Science. The professor seemed really smart, and he sounded excited to meet me in his emails, but when I got there it seemed that he'd completely forgotten about me and scheduled something else instead. It was interesting to meet him though. He's really young for a prof - I think he was 28 or so when I was there.

Kari: Any chance his name was Parham Aarabi?

Austrian guy: ...yeah. I thought you said you studied Aerospace?

Kari: Um, I did, but during the Foundation Years...I mean, I was in this program called...yeah, it's kind of complicated.

Austrian guy: Ok. Say, that guy's a little arrogant, isn't he?

Kari: Just a bit. Did he tell you about how he's building the car from Knight Rider?

Four years ago

Four years ago, I was sitting on Deniz's bed in UC, burning myself on overheated transistors, writing a design proposal that was neither realistic nor accurate, and cursing as we watched a sea of red expand across the continental United States on CNN.com.

Tonight, it is 4:13am, and I have just returned home from a bar where a hundred ecstatic, travelling Democrats remain, drinking cider and wine spritzers because the beer has run out, and cheering on their guy with voices that are already hoarse.

CNN.com currently projects 207 electoral votes for Obama, not including California, Washington, Oregon, Hawaii, or Florida. There is a strong Democratic Senate majority. Elizabeth Dole lost. I am going to bed. 2008 wins.

Sometimes I love my job

For the purposes of your own amusement, consider that my cube-mate Bob speaks with a Cockney brogue, and that all the other lines were delivered in a mix of German and German-accented English.

FACC, Wednesday, 3:30pm

Marian, a lead design engineer prone to wearing colourful t-shirts that are just slightly too tight, stands near the window with a pair of binoculars. All others are seated at their desks.

Marian: Hey, I think that's my girlfriend out there...

Andreas: On the runway?

Marian: Yeah, I think...yes, it's definitely her.

Andreas: Where? Loading that plane over there?

All rise and commence peering out the window

Marian: At first I wasn't sure, but it's definitely her. She works for Lufthansa. Raises binoculars again.

Bob: (quietly) Funny, I didn't see anyone with a white cane.

Kari: snickers

Andreas, Marian, all Austrians within earshot: What?

Kari: (realizing no one else understood the joke) guffaws

Bob: Oh...because a blind person would carry a white cane, and I figured she'd have to be blind to...nevermind.

Andreas: (catching on) Ha! She cannot see! Commences hilariously inappropriate imitation of a (seemingly hunchbacked) blind person walking with a cane

Marian: (looking indignant) Of course she can see. She's a flight attendant.

All but Marian: raucous laughter

20 minutes later...

Ernst, Lead Stress Engineer (and my boss), approaches

Ernst: Bob, what was going on before? I heard you all laughing.

Bob: Oh, nothing really. Marian saw his girlfriend working out on the runway.

Ernst: ...Marian's girlfriend is a dental hygenist.

Kari, Bob: raucous laughter

Ernst: What?

I can't believe I spent a whole train ride thinking about this

Parallels between the current U.S. Presidential campaign and the latter seasons of The West Wing. West Wing spoilers follow, but since the only people who watched the (increasingly crappy) last two seasons were myself and diehard Sorkin fanboys looking for cannon fodder, you're probably safe.

Primaries
Fiction: Republican contest wrapped up by Super Tuesday. Democrats deadlocked through to the convention, where a heart-tugging speech and plenty of backroom wheeling and dealing results in a candidate no one expected.

Fact: Republican contest wrapped up by Super Tuesday. Democrats...well...you were there.

Candidates
Fiction: Republicans field a respectable, no-nonsense "maverick" Senator with decades of experience who is in favour of abortion rights and doesn't attend church. He is played by Alan Alda. Democrats nominate a relatively inexperienced Congressman, the first Latino Presidential candidate from a major party.

Fact: Democrats - the same, only black and a Senator. Republicans - the same, but sadly five years removed from the things he actually believes. Saddest of all, Alan Alda is seemingly uninvolved.

Running Mates
Fiction: Democrats pick an ornery but beloved party veteran to counteract perceived inexperience at the top of the ticket. Republicans pick a young, attractive, frightening social conservative to counteract perceived common sense at the top of the ticket (aka "pander to the base").

Fact: Democrats, ditto. Republicans...actually, the truth is more far-fetched. The less I talk about her, the better for everyone.

Debates
Fiction: A much-touted debate sparks public interest, but is actually incredibly dull to watch.

Fact: Wake me up when they stop talking about that Joe guy.

TSN Turning Point
Fiction: A near-disaster at a nuclear plant in the Republican candidate's home state turns the tide of a nail-bitingly close race.

Fact: An actual disaster in the finances of the world causes America to come to its senses.

Predictions
Based solely on extrapolation from the eerily prescient (and Emmy-winning!) television series, the following things will definitely happen*.

1. At some point during the campaign, Obama and Bush will eat ice cream straight from the bucket in the White House kitchen at midnight, and discuss their ideological differences with eloquence and civility. This has probably already happened.
   
2. Obama's campaign manager and the campaign manager's former assistant/current campaign aide will finally give in to years of sexual tension on the eve of the election, givng rise to plenty of awkward election day hijinks and a bevy of Moments You've Been Waiting For.
3. Joe Biden will die of a heart attack several hours before the polls close, and everyone will be very sad.
4. A virual tie in the electoral college will bring it all down to the good people of Nevada. After Obama wins, he will appoint a bitter but still reasonable McCain as his new Secretary of State.
5. Allison Janney will show up and do something awesome.

*only #5 is guaranteed.

"It's being-first-woman-President good."

Be it resolved that I have failed at all blog-related aspects of my life. I've reached the point where there is so much to talk about that I don't have time to begin, and so I will talk about other, less interesting things instead.

I've spent the last 5 weekends travelling throughout Austria and to several other countries with a motely crew of scientists and engineers - mostly European, mostly dudes. I'm having a blast, but occasionally (perhaps every three weeks or so), one tires of fart jokes, drinking games, and "you really play soccer? Like, on a team?"

Maybe that's why I found this so funny, though I'm pretty sure I still would have laughed if I'd watched it from Girl Guide camp. See also: the same comedian's take on Botox, wedding shows, and making dinner.

Ah, intelligent, non-whinging, feminist humour, how I love thee. And now, back to my regular schedule of beer bongs and doing your mom.

Three cheers for public broadcasting

I was wearing my CBC shirt on the way home from work today, when an ex-Montrealer and retired VP of Kraft approached me and struck up a conversation. Turns out he's been living in Vienna for 11 years. I never thought I'd discuss the Hockey Night in Canada theme song on my way between the Wien Mitte CAT platform and the U4 underground line, but there you go. CBC merch: more subtle than maple leaves, more late-July-appropriate than a red and white toque.

In other news, I am still alive and still in Vienna. My phone works, my visa has been approved, I have a PIN from the bank, my finger is still broken, and I survived a weekend of Gaelic football and drinking with the Irish (lessons learned: "savage craic" is a good thing; drinking Guinness and then failing to sleep before playing three games of football is not).

Hopefully I will add some substantive information before a hiking trip this weekend, but if not, I hope you're all enjoying the sunshine.